In the beginning of July, when I got back home from YWAM, I asked God what my next season was going to look like. I asked him if he wanted me to run, to walk, or to sit. God told me that He wanted me to sit, and that I needed to enter a season of rest.
Coming home, the addiction of a busied schedule (something I really do enjoy most of the time) found itself right at home with me. My days were full of coffee dates, “breakfast is the only time I’m free so let’s get up at an ungodly hour and talk” dates, “I just ate the biggest breakfast but let’s get lunch” dates, coffee dates, “let’s grab dinner at 5, oh sorry to cut this short, I have to go meet someone at 7 for my eighth meal of the day to catch up” dates, and more coffee dates (Clearly I’m a little more than poor by now. And also, when did it become not cool to say hey, want to hang out at my house and talk?) Not to mention bible studies, youth group twice a week, worship nights, young adult group, evangelizing, oh and don’t forget church on Sunday. My life screamed, “Alright God what’s the next big thing you have for me! Show me your glory! I want to see you! Lord what do you want to DO! Let me in on your plans, I’m ready!” My life looked good.
It’s crazy how perfect we can make ourselves look to the naïve around us. We love to prove to the world that we’re alive, that we matter, that we aren’t missing out on anything (and that we are way cooler, and probably more “spiritual” than we actually are.) We find it difficult to rest because we wrap our identity and our security and our purpose up in busyness. We are absolutely terrified of stillness, slowness, silence, and solitude.
I began to ask myself one of the hardest questions. If it were just Jesus and I sitting in a room together for the rest of the day, and I didn’t have anything to keep me busy, distract me, or entertain me, would I be okay with it? Do I really LOVE Jesus? So much so that I would be okay with looking at Him face to face for the rest of my life, not DOING anything? And would God even be okay with me sitting there doing nothing with Him? I want to say yes to all of those questions.
God wants to take me into a much deeper intimacy than I can even fathom. He wants to cut through the facade of how our lives are “supposed” to look, our ideas of how things are “supposed” to operate when God is working, and our notions about God’s to-do list mission for us. Wow. What does that look like, because I really want to go there and destroy all of the “this is what God wants you to DO” mindsets pounded in my head. And I realized that God has been trying to take me to that place of intimacy for quite some time now when He asked to rest with me more than a month ago (okay seriously, why would I ever want to get out of rest? I am a little stubborn sometimes).
God called me into a season of rest. He didn’t say, “Lauren don’t do anything but sit at home in your bed doing nothing for a month.” Know my heart, and know that I am not saying worship nights and bible studies are bad, and there are indeed many times we need to press in deeper even when we don’t feel like it. There have been days however, where I have woken up and He has said “Lauren this is my day with you, I don’t want you to do anything but hang out with me” (I love those days even though it is sometimes hard because I am still learning how to be intimate). To me, Rest is abandoning the picture of what you think you’re supposed to do, and listening to what God wants you to do instead. Sitting with Jesus and doing nothing important with Him is important. I don’t want to do things just to do them, just because I feel like I have to. I want to be motivated by love. I need to be okay with sitting on a bench and watching other people in my life run. I need to die to my ego, self-importance, necessity of function and achievement, and my need to impress the world.
I am entering a journey into the green meadows and the stillness of the water with my Father. I will be blogging my thoughts, questions, frustrations, defeats, triumphs, and reflections throughout this season so stick with me as I learn what it truly means to rest, and begin to discover what the fruit of rest is. As you begin to process my somewhat messy thoughts, I pray that God speaks to you and begins to tell you what it looks like for YOU (individually) to rest with Him, and that your intimacy with your Father grows in deeper ways than you could have imagined.
Psalms 23:2 “He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside still waters.”
Coming home, the addiction of a busied schedule (something I really do enjoy most of the time) found itself right at home with me. My days were full of coffee dates, “breakfast is the only time I’m free so let’s get up at an ungodly hour and talk” dates, “I just ate the biggest breakfast but let’s get lunch” dates, coffee dates, “let’s grab dinner at 5, oh sorry to cut this short, I have to go meet someone at 7 for my eighth meal of the day to catch up” dates, and more coffee dates (Clearly I’m a little more than poor by now. And also, when did it become not cool to say hey, want to hang out at my house and talk?) Not to mention bible studies, youth group twice a week, worship nights, young adult group, evangelizing, oh and don’t forget church on Sunday. My life screamed, “Alright God what’s the next big thing you have for me! Show me your glory! I want to see you! Lord what do you want to DO! Let me in on your plans, I’m ready!” My life looked good.
It’s crazy how perfect we can make ourselves look to the naïve around us. We love to prove to the world that we’re alive, that we matter, that we aren’t missing out on anything (and that we are way cooler, and probably more “spiritual” than we actually are.) We find it difficult to rest because we wrap our identity and our security and our purpose up in busyness. We are absolutely terrified of stillness, slowness, silence, and solitude.
I began to ask myself one of the hardest questions. If it were just Jesus and I sitting in a room together for the rest of the day, and I didn’t have anything to keep me busy, distract me, or entertain me, would I be okay with it? Do I really LOVE Jesus? So much so that I would be okay with looking at Him face to face for the rest of my life, not DOING anything? And would God even be okay with me sitting there doing nothing with Him? I want to say yes to all of those questions.
God wants to take me into a much deeper intimacy than I can even fathom. He wants to cut through the facade of how our lives are “supposed” to look, our ideas of how things are “supposed” to operate when God is working, and our notions about God’s to-do list mission for us. Wow. What does that look like, because I really want to go there and destroy all of the “this is what God wants you to DO” mindsets pounded in my head. And I realized that God has been trying to take me to that place of intimacy for quite some time now when He asked to rest with me more than a month ago (okay seriously, why would I ever want to get out of rest? I am a little stubborn sometimes).
God called me into a season of rest. He didn’t say, “Lauren don’t do anything but sit at home in your bed doing nothing for a month.” Know my heart, and know that I am not saying worship nights and bible studies are bad, and there are indeed many times we need to press in deeper even when we don’t feel like it. There have been days however, where I have woken up and He has said “Lauren this is my day with you, I don’t want you to do anything but hang out with me” (I love those days even though it is sometimes hard because I am still learning how to be intimate). To me, Rest is abandoning the picture of what you think you’re supposed to do, and listening to what God wants you to do instead. Sitting with Jesus and doing nothing important with Him is important. I don’t want to do things just to do them, just because I feel like I have to. I want to be motivated by love. I need to be okay with sitting on a bench and watching other people in my life run. I need to die to my ego, self-importance, necessity of function and achievement, and my need to impress the world.
I am entering a journey into the green meadows and the stillness of the water with my Father. I will be blogging my thoughts, questions, frustrations, defeats, triumphs, and reflections throughout this season so stick with me as I learn what it truly means to rest, and begin to discover what the fruit of rest is. As you begin to process my somewhat messy thoughts, I pray that God speaks to you and begins to tell you what it looks like for YOU (individually) to rest with Him, and that your intimacy with your Father grows in deeper ways than you could have imagined.
Psalms 23:2 “He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside still waters.”